I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
