Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
