Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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