so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
