I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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