What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize