i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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