I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
