I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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