i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
