I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
