ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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