i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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