Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
