i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize