I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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