can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
