Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
