I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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