i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
