can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
