if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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