Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm at about main and main street
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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