I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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