3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
