id be glad to
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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