Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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