you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
