You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
