I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
