There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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