I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize