quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
