This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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