You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
