Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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