I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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