If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize