I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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