I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
