Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How does it feel to date your dad?
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