Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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