its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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