marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
