Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
