I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
