she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
