I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize