He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
