____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
