I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
