he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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