This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
