I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
