We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
