all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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