Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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