She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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