it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
