Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
